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Posted

hmm.. seems like the MM players are really smart people. :/ ah! that must be the reason why idk how to play it xD

Actually, pretty much all of them are older than me, so middle school HW questions aren't that hard for them. =X

And MM is actually really easy once you play it a few times.

Posted

Actually, pretty much all of them are older than me, so middle school HW questions aren't that hard for them. =X

And MM is actually really easy once you play it a few times.

*is one person who did not get at all after watching it 4 times...*

....*sits in corner*

Posted

Actually, pretty much all of them are older than me, so middle school HW questions aren't that hard for them. =X

And MM is actually really easy once you play it a few times.

i see~ like Conia and hoshi

*shrugs* I never tried playing. and I don't think I ever would. :/

...and why couldn't I access the site yesterday? =3=

Posted

i see~ like Conia and hoshi

*shrugs* I never tried playing. and I don't think I ever would. :/

Actually, the people who frequent the MM channel are all at least in high school (with the exception of me and maybe Stop), and even then most of them have graduated HS. =X

Well if you ever do, we welcome you with open arms~

Posted

On my mind?

A lot of things. I'm wondering why I finally gave up. I mean, heck, when I saw an injustice, I decided to do something about it. Something that would help those being hurt. Something to protect people. I smiled in the faces of those who would spit in mine. I was told a thousand times that I couldn't, or that I shouldn't. It would be too hard! I would give up on it! But I finished it. And when stuff happened, I re-finished it. I worked hard. I tried really really hard. I did what I could to bring happiness and protect those I cared about and other random people who might become victims.

But then I got tired. I got tired of working hard for no reason. I got tired of being hurt by those I wanted to protect. I got tired of being everyone's counselor and yet also everyone's enemy. Was it too difficult to at least sort of like the person who worked hard to help you? To make your life more enjoyable? Apparently it was. All of the people who had intentionally caused injustices would receive love and I would receive hate. For a long time, I took it. But I couldn't do it anymore. I was tired of being loyal for people who would readily betray me.

So I freaked out. I had breakdowns. Every pain got worse than the first. Every person I decided to trust dug a dagger deeper into me than the last. Until finally, I believe I stopped caring about helping people. My naive happiness left me. It turned into a dark and all-consuming depression. And when the final stab was taken, I stopped wanting to try. To try at making things work. To try at having ambition. To try breathing. And I thought that the last person I trusted had finally stopped hurting me. It was only the beginning. And after all this psychological crap.. I stopped living on the inside. I didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't really kill myself, but my inner self was gone.

Why try to help someone when they can only hurt you? Why try to get to know someone when they lie and don't have a clue who you are, nor do they care. Why risk getting hurt? Why?

Since then, I've been trying to revive myself. It's not working well. I feel like I have to re-learn what it is to live - if I ever knew what that was in the first place. I've come to realize it was much my fault. The breaking up of the group that I wanted so desperately to come to terms in the beginning. It was my fault because I couldn't keep it together. But what hurts is... I'm the only one who held what we all had dear. I'm the only one that still cares. Because for everyone else, everything else is much more important.

Although... I still wonder. When was it that I gave up? When was it that I let jerks who did nothing short of cause injustice in this world to tell me that I could not laugh? That I was stupid, that I couldn't do anything? That I was misguided, that I wasn't worth it? When was it that I started listening and obeying to the jerks and the people who receive love from those they manipulate? When was it that I lost all hope in caring? When was it?

That's on my mind. That's actually the short version so.. :) Sorry for the interruption.

  • Upvote 1
Posted

:<

oh, and Mark too! XD well, I never thought you'd help some kids out there on their assignments because it's either you're busy... or just lazy xD

But I'm too lazy busy now.

Actually, the people who frequent the MM channel are all at least in high school (with the exception of me and maybe Stop), and even then most of them have graduated HS. =X

Well if you ever do, we welcome you with open arms~

and sophia, too, I guess.

thanks Misaki~~ not now though :D

tch.. why am I this worried? I should be positive that Jessica would make it to the final four.. =_________=

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