Forever Lost

Chapter 8 up on fanfiction now

Dear Anonymous, I'm starting not to care that you'll see me as crazy. I know my actions seem needless, and some of them a bit insane. But I decided, for real this time, that I'm going to listen and do what He tells me to. So, I have prophetic tendencies. One day, I want to be a prophet. I think starting now and figuring out what this gift means and how to pay attention to it and not let my emotions drive me to depression is important. So you think I'm crazy, but that's fine. I'm just doing what I need to do. Sincerely, Me.

@maxdefolsch: Oh wow! Thank you so much! Yes, well I've been noticing my "cliff hangers" often end up with the possibility of being actual endings sometimes XDD But yes, it's still continuing Thank you so much for your encouragement!

@snowflake XDD it's okay By the way, chapter 7 is also up on fanfiction(dot)net, since like five minutes after I said I hadn't started on it, I started writing it.. XD

@IdentityUnknown Ohh.. thanks XDD @snowflake ^-^ which next chapter? Chapter 2-6 can be found on fanfiction(dot)net (as explained in my spoiler box thingy) Feel free to review there >3> XD But chapter 7 might take awhile to get here 'cause I haven't even started on it >.>

Random +1 O.o;;

AN: So.. here's the deal. If you're bored (or, of course, if you're interested) read this chapter. This is the first chapter in a currently five-chapter (on-going) story. If you like it and would like to read more, please open the "spoiler" box for details. Also, keep in mind, this is a re-upload from 2-3 years ago if I recall correctly so my writing might be a little different and possibly worse (or better??) than normal. Chapter 1 – Nothing Like Coffee A loud sound woke me, and I opened my eyes half way, knowing that I must stop the loud sound. It was bothersome, it was annoying, it hurt to listen to it. Must. Shut. It. Up. I reached over and smacked the device, causing it to cease its redundant beeping. I sat up, stepping into a pair of slippers that were on the floor. I felt the need to grab something to drink, my mind groggy and my throat a bit dry. "Coffee" is what came to my mind, and I shuffled over to a door. I walked out of the door, my still-sleeping mind deciding that up the stairs was the way to go. There I saw the thing my mind said I needed, a cup of coffee, just sitting there, steam rising from it. I felt a smile pull at my features, but something demanded that I not, so I just went over to the cup. I was transfixed on that cup, with the steam dancing above it, and I grabbed the handle. I put my lips to the cup, drinking in burning hot liquid. "…A…i-kun?" I put the cup down and looked over. I blinked a few times. And here was when I realized something. I didn't know who had spoken. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know why I was here. I didn't know… who I was. What was my objective? Questions raced through my mind as I stared at the old man sitting there. He kept looking at me as if he expected a reply. So I assumed I must be Ai-kun. Some voice told me not to confide in people, to simply agree that I was indeed Ai-kun. "Sorry… was that yours?" The old man nodded slowly, looking at me incredulously. "Oh… ahaha… I'm just so sleepy I didn't notice…" I shrugged and walked back the way I came, looking for the shower. Surely I would need to be taking one, that's what the voice told me. After a few minutes, I located the bathroom and took a shower. I was busy putting clothes on when I heard a knock on the door. "Ai-kun… I… just wanted to let you know that if you don't hurry, you'll be late to school. Do you have everything ready?" Something told me to not be a bother, so I said that I did. "Y-Yeah… thanks for telling me." I had a feeling the man wanted to say more, so I waited. I was right. "Ai-kun… are you feeling alright today?" Was I seeming less cheerful than normal? Now two opposing forces caught me. One said to just sound bored, the other was on the side of logic for a child like me, and told me to be more cheerful. "Yeah, I'm fine, grandpa!" There was an awkward feeling as silence hung around me. I must have been wrong in my assumption that he was my grandfather. Then just who was he? Wasn't he a little old to be my dad? I began laughing. "Hahaha got you!" Some part of me shuddered at my own attitude and voice, making me wonder if I should've listened to the voice that told me to sound bored. He forced some sort of chuckle on the other side of the door, and I heard his footsteps retreat. I finished getting ready and raced out the door, grabbing a bag I figured was mine, since it looked like an elementary backpack. I stopped, suddenly realizing that even if I did leave for school, I had no idea where it was. I looked both ways, and hoped that the way I went would at least lead me into town. I walked for maybe ten minutes before I ran into another child, who looked like a student. "Haibara… aren't you a bit late today? And why are you coming from that direction?" Who? Wasn't I Ai-kun? I took a step back. "Can… I walk with you today?" The boy gave me a weird look, but he shrugged, and I walked next to him. His face held a serious expression. I stayed silent, I didn't even know his name. In fact… I still wasn't sure about my own name. Two other children joined up with us; a girl and a tall thin boy. They were talking on and on about something that was supposed to happen in class today. I had no idea what exactly it was about, but I listened intently for their names and the way they addressed each other. "Haibara-san, did you finish your homework?" I turned, reacting to the name I had been called by earlier. Before I could think of a response, the girl protectively intervened. "Of course Ai-chan did! She's really smart, just like Conan-kun!" I noticed the tall boy glare at the short one with the strange wristwatch. I guessed that must be "Conan-kun." I half-smiled, not agreeing or disagreeing. I only hoped that I had done my homework, and that it was in the backpack I was carrying. If I still didn't have my memory by the time I went to school, I'd rather not deal with the teacher's anger. "Haibara-san, not that it's a bad thing, but why are you walking with us today? Doesn't it take longer to go this way?" The speaker was the tall kid, his face showing his confusion. I decided to shrug as an answer. I found out earlier how much talking could put me in awkward situations. Unfortunately, the shrug didn't satisfy the tall boy, but he thankfully stayed silent, although his expression was still the same. We reached the gates of an elementary school, along with many other children. One of which ran towards us. "Morning!" I watched as a rather chunky boy came closer, rice from breakfast still sticking on his mouth. I also noticed the short boy "Conan-kun" cringe. The little girl was the first to greet back. "Moh, Genta-kun! You have rice on your mouth still!" The chunky boy wiped his mouth with his hand and ate the rice. A big grin spread across his face. "Thanks, Ayumi!" I sighed inwardly. I guessed that this was a typical pig-out kid, who happens to go by the name of "Genta-kun." I followed the short boy when he decided to make his way to class instead of listening to the early morning antics. I then noticed him watching me out of the corner of his eye. "Something wrong?" Again, I smiled. He on the other hand, frowned. "Haibara… did something unusually good happen this morning? You're over-cheery…" So I was a strange child… who didn't like to smile? I returned with blank look, not sure to laugh or to glare. "Not particularly…" I didn't want to go into detail, which seemed to be my nature, because the boy just gave me another weird look and shrugged it off. I followed him inside the classroom, and suddenly froze. I didn't know where to sit. I took a chance and sat by the short boy, since he seemed like a good person to follow. He didn't say anything, so I supposed that it wasn't anyone else's seat. While I waited for class to start, I began to ponder things. My name is Haibara Ai. I'm an elementary student. I live with an old man, but he's not my grandpa, and he seems too old to be my dad. Butler? Usually butlers are thin and tall though… housekeeper? Usually a woman though… I'll find that part out later. I have no idea who my parents are or where they are. I seem to be a very bland child, who takes no interest in things, and I don't normally smile or laugh. Perhaps my parents being gone has made me a pitiful child who keeps the fear of being happy deep inside her. The worst part is, I don't even know if that is true. Even though I am her, I don't remember anything.

Bourbon Uehara Sonoko Inspector Megure Nanatsu no ko Eri Sera Subaru Next word: networking

It says that join requests are closed at this time, so invite me in if you can, please. My dA user is HaibaraDaiFan.

Dear Anonymous, I thought this was already cleared up >.> But yes her=me and me=her. Strange, no? Sincerely, Me/Her

"Keep your head up, eh? Strange, something seems better than nothing. Feeling horrid is better than not feeling, or is it? Something like this is unexplainable. I'm sure we'll all find different reasons for it. But no matter, they're excuses, not reasons. I don't know where I'm headed. It doesn't scare me, it only makes me feel hopeless. No feeling leaves one vulnerable. So what am I to do? I cannot feel the way I should. I am not happy. I make myself more miserable. I'm standing still, I've forgotten my instruction. I know how to change. But I have no energy to do so So when will this break? When will I push the barrier again? When will I be in the right? When will trying become doing? I have yet to find out.." I wrote that two years ago... and up until a few months ago.. I think I felt much the same. o.o;

If you want mod help on deviant art then I can help, if you want. I have plenty of experience with moderating so (2+ yrs? officially, that is >.>') XD But I'm not sure if you were referring to the actual mods here to help you or if you'd need some.. 'cause I don't know if the actual mods here have time to mod deviant art and this place..

Dear Anonymous, I had a dream last night that I rather don't like. It's not terrible, like the ones that used to grip me and cause me to wake up in a panic. But it still lasted long enough to cause me to doubt reality. You won't disappear from me, will you? You won't run away, right? Please, mean the words you've been saying. I can't imagine my dream being reality. I'd rather die. Sincerely, Me.

Finding out what it means to let go... to apologize... and to forgive.. it's a strange feeling.

Could be... That's definitely something that would be plausible. The only thing is what Sherry's mom said in the recording makes me suspicious as to whether or not they're really dead.. But then again, shoot me if we've already decided with complete and conclusive evidence that they did die >.>''

Well, the research might have good standing

Dear Person Who Understood My Words, It's a scary thing to understand almost every word I wrote at that time. I can understand how you feel, but if you'll allow me to, I'd like to give you some advice. This is only because I've been there and I'm here now. If you don't want to take it, that's totally fine and I understand. If you do, that's great as well. If you don't want any advice, just skip over the stuff contained in the spoiler box thingy XD I hope that everything gets better for you.