Forever Lost

Lol... given up on life? I wouldn't go that far - I kinda don't think I'd be able to post had I done that. I don't feel very lively, though. It could be that I've always been dry and boring o.o. I don't feel much joy at being here, and am questioning why, yet I continue to be here. I also don't know how long I'll be here, or how good it is for me to be. All of that to say.... Meh. On my mind.... I just want to see them.

Yup. I suppose. In other news, I am terribly tired. Most likely mentally unstable. I just want this weekend to be over with.

This is probably what one would call ... self-destructive. I have a feeling this will subside when they return.

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For anyone who wants to join - I'm fairly certain just about anyone can. You can pm me and I'll see if I can get Identity Unknown to add your user to the list in her post if it makes you feel more official.

Hmm.. I'm tired but happy. I have a fanfiction schedule and content to actually release. I've been bad with updating stuff then not posting anything for ages... so submitting something every Friday is a happy medium to me. Excited about a new story I'll be releasing in about three weeks.

Dear Anonymous, I know that my words have little value to you. But I can't help but feel pain at your lamenting. Because it's like I'm looking at me. A few years ago. It's hard for me not to say REMEMBER WHEN YOU DID THAT TO ME?! Because you called me pathetic, and overbearing for sharing my feelings. And there's that part of me that wants to say that I know EXACTLY how you feel because you didn't take the time to listen to me while I am now. But I'm not going to do that. Because there was once upon a time I leaned on you and you listened. And now you're not so terrible. And I guess I was pretty terrible, then, too. So maybe I can help you. Because there was a day that all I wished was that I could help you the way you helped me. Sincerely, Me.

I feel like I've failed. I miss them so so much... and the only word I hear from them makes me feel like I failed. It's not their fault, and I know I'm being crazy. But now I feel miserable.

Realizing I could say anything and no one would notice. Unless they were telling me to keep my feelings to myself. Heh.

Hahahahaha.... that's actually a great question. Well, I was in middle of a summer binge watching fest - anything anime I could get my hands on. I had recently discovered you could watch episodes online, and it was something my mom hadn't directly disapproved of (unlike Yu-Gi-Oh! and other things available on TV..). She had let me watch Sailor Moon with my sister when I was younger and they just re-ran the first two seasons over and over. (My sister had printed out the airing schedule and everything.. XD) So after previously running through all of Sailor Moon (Some things you should probably just leave unwatched..), all currently available Naruto (that's when Shippuden was fairly new.. >.>;; and I thiiink I gave up on One Piece because the story lost my interest. So I was no stranger to watching suuuper long series. I looked up popular and suggested anime and came across Detective Conan. Now with books I have a policy: give it three chapters. If it still sucks, I'll stop reading. I had developed a similar rule with anime (I had watched several muuuch smaller seasons of anime that were recent on certain sites) and decided that anime needed three episodes to determine if I would grace it with my viewership. As an author of tons of stories on Haibara Ai, I could say thank goodness that I gave it that chance. Taking the other point of view with the amount of time wasted purely on a show, maybe I shouldn't have.. XD; ANYWAY my reaction: I hated it. The first episode confused me a bit. But I could do nothing but cringe at the art. CRINGE. Taking on episode two, there was just more of this arrogant detective brat. He was inconsiderate and inappropriate, and if his head up Ran's skirt was going to be a sign of the 500ish episodes to come (oh how that number has grown), then I wanted no part in it. Gin. Gin literally saved Detective Conan from being on the "tried it and hate it" list when he wielded his bat and knocked that arrogant jerk to the ground. And then he was a kid. And then there was a plot. A story line. People I started to care about. And before I met Haibara, I was a ShinRan x.x. I sadly spoiled the fun of learning about Haibara through the episodes because there were pictures of her when you search "detective conan" on google pictures XD But she changed the whole dynamic and I love her to pieces. So in the end, I guess we can thank Gin for knocking Shinichi out so I wouldn't hate him anymore ... Best life lesson ever?

The department I got put in charge of just effectively became a one-man department. Yay me. Now there's just me to murder if anything goes wrong T.T Guess that should motivate me to get moving, right..?

Alright. I think I'm finally going to do this. I know I already have two stories in-progress, but I'm super attached to this one right now and I've tried several times to make it work. If I'm satisfied with chapter one, it'll be online very soon.