Hello, this is Aeyra (who else would write a HeiShin fic for crying out loud?)! This is the fic I've been talking about, 'Because We Are Detectives', featuring HeiShin, slight hints of ConAi/ShinShi, and even subtler hints of ShinRan somewhere in there. I think it turned out okay, but it's not finished yet. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but apparently it didn't agree with my opinions. So, I split it into nice little 1st person view shots. The HeiShin doesn't really start until part two or three, at least, not for Shinichi, so, I guess anyone could read the first part. Ran breaks up with Shinichi and that thing. I can't believe I wrote that... ... ... Anyways, onwards to the story! If there are any mistakes, please alert me. The only time I had to write this thing is past 10 o'clock at night and typos are nearly guaranteed. If you are a hater of HeiShin, please refrain from insulting the couple. So, um, yeah. Here's part one. If the spaces disappear, it's not my fault.
Shinichi's POV
"Ran, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leaveyou for so long. I didn't mean to hurt you so much. Just please forgiveme." I am all but on my knees begging as I stare down into Ran's fieryblue eyes, filled with anger and confusion. None of the love I was used toseeing. I watch her part her soft, beautiful lips, waiting endless momentsbefore the words come spilling out.
"I waited for you for years,Shinichi! Years! You come back to after all this time and tell me you love me!Tell me you were masquerading as my little brother?!" Her outburst is likethe breaking of a dam, unbelievably powerful and unstoppable. A raging bull,one that is easily capable of killing the matador. Every bit of rage, despair,loneliness being displayed at once, letting the colors and anger fly. "Howdare you?"
"I had no choice! I wanted toprotect you! I swear!" My voice sounds broken, is cracking, as I plead forforgiveness. I knew hiding the truth would have consequences, but I didn'timagine they would be this terrible, this heartwrenchingly horrible. Thiswasn't how I'd envisioned it; I'd imagined something perfect, a dream, wherewe, Ran and I, would reveal our truest feelings and decide our future.
Why, why? What have I done to deserve this? I think, holding back tears. Everything- everything wasfor her. Why is everything going so, sowrong...?
"Protect me? You've told me yourstory, and I see no part of it that would have put either of us in danger. Youtold Professor Agasa, you told Ai-chan, you told Hattori-kun and even Eisuke-kun.And yet you couldn't even tell me, the one who obviously missed you most? Didyou not trust me, your best friend?! I've known you since we were tiny toddlersand yet you thought I'd blabbering out your secret in an instant? When was Ithat type of person? Tell me, Shinichi. Out with it." Her scream seems tobe piercing my heart, splitting in it in two. Our conversation wasn't supposedto turn out like this. Wasn't supposed to be a catastrophe.
"The only one I told on my ownfree will was Professor Agasa!" The half-truth slides like butter throughmy teeth, desperate, but coming out easily. Anything to keep her here, make herlisten. Stay here. Stay with me. "The rest of them figured it out andconfronted me! I had no choice but to-"
"And how many times did I do theexact thing just to have you wiggle out of it? How many times did I attack youand try to force you to admit you were Shinichi? Did my attempts notcount?"
I have nothing to counter her, noshield for the bullets she fires like a machine gun from her sharp tongue, thehard, cold truth of it. I can only stand, do my best to endure her rant, try tosurvive while it feels like I'm being ripped apart, piece by piece.
She could take me down right now withher karate, knock me unconscious. I'd welcome it to this living hell, rejoiceeven. However, she seems to sense the full impact of her words, and I take eachone of them like a punch, a kick. It hurts, it hurts so much. I deserve everyblow.
Ran is crying now, shaking from thetears that are running down her face, but she is still obviously infuriated. Iwant to lean forward, wipe away the hot moisture from her cheeks, something Icould do so easily as Conan. I know she won't let me, and allow her tocontinue. I earned it. I did this to her.
"You even disappeared as Conan,and I was waiting six months with no word from either of you. I had no idea ifyou were dead, kidnapped, or lost or anything! Can you even imagine how thatfelt?! My precious little brother, my best friend, both gone without even agood-bye? You didn't call, you never came back. I had the police looking allover for you, skipped school, wasted countless weeks- months."
"I'm sorry. Just please, Ran. Giveme one more chance. Just one. I promise I'll make it up to you. Please."I'm truly on my knees now, looking up into her icy blue eyes, waiting for thekilling blow. One more will do.
"One more chance? You promise?Don't make me laugh." She makes a sound halfway between laughter andcroaking. "You promised that you'd come back to me, promised you wouldn'tleave. Every time I trusted you, but I only ended up getting my heart broken. Itrusted you with my life, and that's why I so willingly handed my love over toyou. You smashed my heart to pieces. How can you even dare try to promise meanything? Tell me dammit!"
The world spins around me, the dullcolors of my room, dusty from my absence, swirl into undefinable patterns as Irealize that I can't win this fight. I lose. "You can't trust me. The onlyreason I can give is that I love you, Ran. More than anyone else. Pleasebelieve me."
I am merely a wisp, unable to withstandher attacks, only a shadow of the man I was before this. My whispered wordshang on the heavy air, their dead weight lingering until Ran breaks thesilence, eyes shining with regret.
"Shinichi, you sweetbastard..." she murmurs, sniffling as she wipes away tears. "I didlove you, but I just bring myself to feel the same way I did before. I wouldhave waited forever, all you had to do was tell me the truth. Trust me, I triedto find those feelings, but what you've done to me is unforgivable- they'vedisappeared.. We can try to be friends, but there's no way we can be loverslike you want us to. There's no us. Not anymore."
I nod slowly, swallowing the hard lumpin my throat as I feel hot tears trying to break through my mask. "Iunderstand."
"Bye then, Shinichi." Andwith that, Ran is gone. Her soft, dark caramel hair leaving the room last,glimmering in the pale morning light that streams through the windows, herquiet footsteps resonating throughout the empty house before I hear a door slamshut. She's really gone.
I curl up into a balland start crying. I know it seems weak, makes me look helpless, but what else can I do. Everything I've done was for this moment, all my work, everything. This wasn't part of the plan. This wasn't what was supposedto happen. I fall asleep fists clenched, whispering my empty promises into the dead soliloquy.
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