Aeyra

Me and friend: Wanna work together? :does not talk to the other for as long as it takes to finish: Okay, answer check time! :just about everything is correct: See ya tomorrow! (my schoolwork is that darn easy... Competitions are harder.)

Newer one, definitely. The details are crisper, and the old one just wasn't to my taste. The art itself didn't suck me in until around... ... About Volume 26. I can't watch the first and second movies because I can't stand seeing the art for so long, but the new ones are just so pretty. Conan's cuter, Ran's prettier, Shinichi is more epic... *sigh* I like it sharp and clear. It'll never match up to the art of Death Note and the like, but I still love the newer style. :3

O.o Why? What did I do? XD

I don't get reviews because people dislike death fics, and I tend to be much too wordy. But I refuse to publish chapters under 1,500 words, used to be 4,000, but realized that was close to impossible. And MSK is past normal novel-length already... It's technically a short novel.(and I'll be posting the next chapter this weekend because I got it back from my beta. :3 I like my beta- she's a good critic and catches everything I stumble with. XD)

I just noticed i got reps for some of my posts... Who gave me the ghost reps? XD Oh, and thanks for taking the time to clarify your entries, Tsukiko. It'll save confusion later. I'll write later tonight, seeing as I have to do my homework... First full day of high school!!!! I found out the seniors dislike us measly freshmen. But who cares?

How about you just disregard them and write some more in later? It's too confusing itf everyone has to go back and reread it all. Oh, and good job, KKLT. Though I don't think Nero would recover so quickly, or even at all.... And I don't think Nero knows Japanese/

That's not fair...

What Actually Happened: 1. We split up into different groups and travelled on different types of transportation (bus, subway, taxi) to meet at one central location in NYC. My group found out about the execution because I picked up a newspaper, and we showed it to everyone once e got to the central location. (a luxury hotel) And then everyone (everyone everyone) headed to the train station for NJ. 2. Nero said he thought it was a trap on the train, and he thought Mark was already dead. 3. Once in NJ, we're in a secluded area a few miles away from the prison Mark supposedly is being held. Nero says he wants to do the mission alone with Chaos, runs off with bugs attached, and ends up breaking down as he tells Chaos his past. ----------------------------------------------------------------- So according to the story, except for when we were traveling to the central location, we were all together. What point is there in leaving a small group behind? Separate to confuse the enemy, stay together to be stronger. Pyre wouldn't tell you to stay behind. And besides, you were with us the whole time, it's what I've been trying to say. So next time, don't be afraid to ask specifics. We don't want huge misinterpretations that end up confusing everybody when we write back-to-back. XD, just noticed something. You sound just like my friend when she's discussing manga she misinterpreted with me!!! XDDD She's always like 'WHAT?! WHY?! I'm confused!!!!!' Sigh... I miss my friend. (she moved to Conneticutt. But I get to contact her by email at least...)

Out of curiosity, what's your first language? I'm really curious. XD (is it Chinese? Because I saw you in the Chinese chatroom... ^^)

Pretty good. Arsonist? LOL XD I guess your teacher didn't like you much... I've written a few poems, but my rhyming is hopeless. I'll try and dig out my old notebook... BTW, my poems are usually vaguely based on my fanfiction. Just keep that in mind if I ever figure out if I threw away my journal.

Yay! You're writing it? You'll have to give me a recap... Your story's too long for me to reread all the way! XD (I also just finished a chapter of my DC fanfic, 'The Murder of Shinichi Kudo'... I'm in the editing what my beta told me to edit process. )

It's not that I go through so many times to fix mistakes as much as a low self-confidence in my writing. My problem is wondering whether people'll like it before I even start typing. So I go through to see if I like it, add things, play with wording, and even then I don't feel satisfied. I just need opinions, you know?

***** "Nero, was it really the best choice to just run off and leave them like that?" asked Chaos dubiously, matching his sprinting friend stride for stride. "They'll be pissed as hell when we get back." "Doesn't matter, I'm the one who knows how to use that credit card correctly. Therefore, if they are pissed with me, I shall simply refuse to help, and use all the money to buy Starbucks. You hear that?" snickered Nero right into the bug, causing everyone on the other end to either roll their eyes or glare. Glaring seemed to be the popular option. "Sometimes I wonder if he's just trying to annoy us," muttered Misaki, grumbling under her breath. She liked Nero fine, but he was starting to get a bit too bold and daring. Nope, the funny, whiny, overly dramatic, happy-happy Nero was more to her preference. It was like he had taken over in less than a week. "He's just trying to lighten the atmosphere... I think," said Aeyra unconvincingly, drawing a small chuckle from Chelsea. "I wish he'd worn an earpiece though.. So we could talk to them." "I'm guessing he didn't want to listen to our complaints," sighed Pyre, who was tense waiting for the news on Mark. "He'd just turn the stupid thing off." "Perhaps..." said Tsukiko, peering over Chelsea's shoulder to watch the prison appear closer and closet on the iTouch screen as Nero approached. "He must be pretty desperate to go alone with Chaos though... Why else would he voluntarily use bugs? They're like an invasion of privacy." "He could turn them off if he wanted to though," noted Aeyra, recalling Nero's words. "He said he can disarm them at will." As if at her command, the screen suddenly went black and everything was silent. "Please tell me all that happened was that he disarmed them." ****** Luckily for everyone, that was the case. Nero's true intentions of bringing out Chaos was to share the secret he'd hidden for ten years, a memory that threatened to explode within him. It was just about impossible to find time alone to talk to his best friend- and even then the chance of being overheard was tremendous. And as for disabling the bugs- who ever said Nero would play fair. "Nero, did you just turn off the camera and mike?" asked Chaos curiously, neither mad nor happy. "Yup." "Why?" Chaos's blue eyes shone with concern. Everything Nero did had a reason- and there was something simply burning behind all that verdant emerald green. "I wanted to tell you. My past. Ever since John brought it up, I couldn't help but remember it, all that blood, the knife, the guns, the everything." Nero felt tears at the corners of his eyes. I will not cry... he told himself strongly. He blinked hard, clearing his vision of the mist. "Take as much time as you need, buddy. You asked me out here because I'm your best friend and you know I don't give a damn about rescuing Mark, right?" Chaos gave Nero a comforting smile. Nero was there for all his breakdowns, a solid pillar to lean against. He going to be Nero's pillar asking as the younger boy needed him. "Well, I've manages to figure out finer details over the years, but here's the deal. I was born to a wealthy family, and my parents were world-class scientists in the fields of weaponry, and essentially physics as well. Apparently, I showed great talent for developing weapons at a very young age, I was also adept at planning, had a very high intelligence, and what was best for the Organization, so, so young." Nero shook as they approached the jail, the memory of blood's rusty scent, the screams, the dark men who charged into his house. "It was just after my parents had tucked me in- I was about to fall asleep when I heard my mother scream, and my father's yell, and the tumult of pained screeching that came after. They were shooting my parents, Chaos. They were torturing them for fun." Chaos pulled Nero behind a few bushes, hiding themselves from sight. He patted his friend awkwardly on the head, a gesture for him to know he was still there as Nero told his story. "I got out of bed and headed for the first floor, and in the kitchen were the bodies of my mother and father, both so mauled, mangled, and bloody that I could hardly recognize them. There were men jeering at their corpses, men in black with masks over their faces, sneering as they faced me. Even then, I knew immediately that they had killed my parents. And at five years old, I felt the need to vengeance. And.... I massacred them. "There was a knife in my father's hand, and I picked it up as one of the men tried to grab me. I stabbed him in the arm, the leg, the stomach, everywhere I could reach, and he keeled over, dying. I could feel that sticky, warm, blood all over mr, my father's blood on the knife handle, the blood splattered all over my body when it spurted out from the man I'd murdered. They were all so horrified. But I didn't stop there. I didn't stop there." Nero saw that red haze covering his eyes all over again, that crimson shroud of hate that told him to kill, to kill, to kill. "I stabbed every last one of them to death. My white pajamas were soaked in red, the tiles didn't have a single spot where blood didn't cover it, the floor was sticky and warm, and I just stood there, looking at what I'd done. "Then I just broke down and cried, collapsing into that puddle of blood next to my parents, holding their hands until I fell asleep, and when I woke up the next morning, I was at the Organization HQ. I didn't learn until later they sent the people to kill mom and dad. They praised me, and I thrived on the things they taught me. I was just a five year old kid. But I was, and am, a monster, Chaos. I see it in my dreams all the time, holding that knife, every last one of you bleeding out in front me, I see my parents, eyes cold with death, their blood on my hands, and I hardly even sleep just so I don't have to see it." Nero was crying now, holding Chaos's collar, and sobbing into his friend's shoulder. "Chaos, what do I do?" "I don't know, Nero, but I'm glad you told me. You needed that out of your system," assured Chaps gently, holding still as his friend's trembling rocked through his body. "It's going to be fine. You're not a monster, you just wanted revenge, like I want revenge for Laela. Don't be ashamed, Nero, and don't be afraid." "But I can't help being afraid," whispered Nero, fingers clenching into a fist. "How could I?" "Accept it, let your friends help you." Chaos's eyes shone with his own experiences in grief, and Nero looked up, normally bright eyes almost black. "You did it for me, and I'll be here for you." "Thank you, Chaos..." ******** That's Nero's past for you. Very bloody, very traumatic. Somehow, I don't think Nero'll make it into the jail. Chaos'll probably end up doing it alone while making sure Nero doesn't move. What did you think of Nero's past? Personally, I find imagining it frightens me...

It's fine to be uncomfortable with it, but it's not right to completely shun it. There will always be prejudice in this world, there will always be hate, but the least we can do is to try and reduce our own bit by bit. I'm not telling anyone that being gay/lesbian is awesome and that we should change our sexual orientation, because that would be scary. It's just another type of person, that's all.

I wouldn't trust what he says... XD :rollseyes:

I'm sorry, but I find this statement quite hypocritical, Kid. You're the self-named Anti-Racist of DCW! Can't you see that homosexuality is just another form of prejudice people have created to discriminate others? It's something people can't help, they're born that way, and sometimes they're just as uncomfortable with it as they are. They didn't choose to be attracted to people of the same gender, but in real life I find it a miracle that such people can find love, and it's just as beautiful as regular couples! It's more amazing, because despite the odds, these people have found someone who will love them, and can understand their pains. And while this is more of my personal opinion, it was pretty bad timing for me to see that comment right after I read several articles about how gay teens are bullied in school, how teachers will do nothing about it (and are not allowed to do anything about it according to policies! They're not allowed to support them!) and how several of these teens committed suicide. It's not just something you can brush off as being disgusting. It's just as narrow-minded as racisim- you don't believe in superiority, you kind of believe in how disgusting it is before you take a broad view of the thing. Nowadays, there are no Ku Klux Klans, no Jim Crow, any racism is hidden, but now we've found something new to discriminate against, something new to hate. Homosexuality. Think about it that way, Kid. Homosexuality is the same as racism.

I do not support that couple. And Chelsea, Akako hasn't appeared in the DC manga, and she sort of doesn't fit in with the DC universe in general. (logic and real magic don't mix too well! Even in Harry Potter! XD) HakuKai is cute... It's nice and sweet.

Okay, it goes like this. We all met up in New Jersey with innocent intentions. (excluding Mark.) The events that happened before Mark came in and decided to destroy us are kind of blurry, and besides, they're not important. Mark came in with the intention to kill us, I forgot why, but he attempted to murder all of us multiple times, we escaped, met up with everyone else, Mark saved me and Chelsea while our plane crashed on the way to Canada, and everyone else wasn't on the plane, they were on a van or something of the sort. In Canada, we had epic battles, we believed Mark dead, and so on, so on, blah, blah, blah, most important things you need to know now are the newest characters, Chaos, Nero, Brise, and Krev, Organization members who've joined us, Chaos has a girl he loved named Laela, but she was killed by Mark. Nero has a hidden secret he's never told anybody, but it's really dark. (I'm planning on revealing that... tonight.) Brise and Krev like each other, but are too shy to try and date in case it hurts Chaos. Right now, Mark has been executed, but we don't know that for certain. We're going to 'rescue him', and Chaos and Nero are doing the rescue because Nero literally forced us to stay behind or run to our deaths. Nero... sigh, what are we going to do with you? XD (BTW, Nero loves coffee, loves it, loves it, loves it.) If you're planning to add yourself in, here's a method you could use. Nero is recruiting teenage Organization members from over the world, so if you're one of them, we could meet you somewhere. Just use the name Akechi and you're set! But wait for a good moment, or tell someone and they can write you in. ^^

I'm still going paranoid without a beta for my Harry Potter story..

Maybe because all of those, um, senses are located on the face? So are these protagonists hopeless at school minus one, or is it just Mouth who needs help? What kind of plotlines are you using for a study group? :Aeyra's idea of study group is finishing problems, sharing answers, and leaving: <- No joke either... That's my friend's and I's idea of a study group...

Holy crap? Most people aren't as serious as I am.... XD I demand perfection from myself! Which is why I usually fail and rewrite things fifty times over!

Sorry, but now I'm completely confused. Right now Nero and Chaos are breaking into the jail where Mark is supposedly being held, and we're all watching them on a screen from bugs Nero planted on himself. I'm pretty sure Chelsea was with us then, and therefore you all are. I simply can't change all of my entries that much, Tsukiko. I was planning to just take a few names out and replace them, but now this is straying a bit too far. The flashbacks aren't really too necessary... What's important is discovering Mark's death and the message he left behind. And earlier when you said nobody can challenge you, I felt that was slightly rude. We're just trying to help you write a piece that fits in better with the others. All of the entries that came before were laid in stone, and you shouldn't be knocking them down. Read them carefully, if you're confused, ask what's happened, and try to make your storyline fit in. For example, you could have edited your library scene to make it on the train. I don't mind your flashbacks, I'm just hoping you're not going to have Chaos fall in love with you or vice versa. Chaos is the kind of guy who can only love one person their entire life. As that probably was not your intention, I'm sorry if that insulted you, but I wanted to tell you to try to make your additions match up with the rest of the story, because lately, they feel out of place.

This counts as a flashback, right? I guess I'll edit my previous part later to help this fit in better. But dont expect it to happen until I finish school today. XD

I hope you don't find my critique too harsh... I'm only trying to help. Just keep that in mind before you read the rest of this. I'm trying not to sugar-coat my comments, because in the end, the one who loses will be the writer. This story is rushed and pretty hard to understand. I understand English probably isn't your first language (I don't know where you're from), so I understand the grammar mistakes can't really be helped, English is complicated. Some things I want to point out are inconsistencies where you mark your dialogue. For parts of it you put it in quotes, and some you just leave unmarked. About details and plotline. Details always help a story flow, and I say, the more detail, the better! As long as your words don't repeat, don't ramble on too long, and don't kill your readers. For example, for the first part, you could detail it like this. 'Shinichi yawned as he woke up, turning his head to see his wife, Shiho, lying peacefully next to him, her strawberry-blonde hair spilling over the white sheets. He softly stroked the smooth, sweet-smelling strands, smiling as he said, "Good morning, Shiho dear." ' Well, you don't have to detail it like me, because I usually end writing a paragraph to describe a person's smile and how it relates to their eyes. But detail would be quite appreciated. The detail is especially important when it came to Shinichi's death. At the moment, I'm trying to figure out what killed him. 'Accident' usually means death by some car accident, so I'm presuming he was driving his car and was hit by something, or he was walking and a car hit him. If he was murdered, then you'll want to say, 'his head was bleeding from where the skull had been crushed by a heavy object' or 'a knife protruded from his back, dying the skin and clothes around it a deep, muddy-red', really, just anything that'll tell us what happened. Otherwise, we're all left hanging in the dark if you catch my drift. For the funeral, is there a reason Shiho doesn't say anything? If she's crying in the back, unable to say good-bye, then you have to tell us or we'll think she's disappeared. And if she simply isn't there... That's a detail you need to mention. Otherwise it feels as if you've forgotten Shiho. I liked the things the characters said as they passed his grave, but it'd be better if you described the emotion behind their voices. Each of them is missing Shinichi for a different reason, and some you can just leave out. For example, only two or three characters should really have to say something, the rest could just pass by and give their respect. Otherwise it starts sounding like a list. I'd suggest the few people to be Ran, Shinichi's parents, perhaps Agasa, and definitely Shiho if you decide to mention her. Think if it like a photo. The characters that are important are crisp and clear, very detailed, and the background ones are a bit blurry, there, but don't hd the same effect. You need to decide which ones are crisp and clear, and which ones are blurry. If they're all clear, we don't know which one to focus on, and if they're all blurry, we have a hard time figuring out what was important. So I suggest more detail, and exclusion of less important characters. Also, for funeral scenes like this, try and set a goal. Try and make the audience cry. It's hard, but I think with a lot of effort, you could do it. Show us everybody's tears, tell us about the depressed, lifeless atmosphere, like the color has been sucked out, describe how Shinichi's picture smiles at them, how happy he looks, how he'll never smile again. Bring out small things, happy memories, little Conan, previous, fantastically-solved cases, things that make us smile, and yet sad because we know that person is now gone. As far as characterization went, you did a fair job of it, and there's nothing here that strikes me as being extremely out of character. (I put aside my ShinRan prejudices in order to judge this better.) My only lronlem is that Shiho's character is pretty cold, so her interactions with Shinichi are probably a form of romantic bickering, not the perfect always sweet type. She likes teasing. (you could use "So the great detective finally decided to wake up! I thought you'd stay in bed all day, love."<- I think I stole this from some DraMione fanfic I was reading...) So all in all, there's a lot that could be improved, but I think you're capable of it. Just remember. Detail. That's the most important element of a story besides plot and characters. Otherwise, we're just listening to monotone. Sorry if any of this was too harsh, but I'm willing to help if you ask! So don't be afraid to ask me how to improve, and please do mention it if you'd like some sugar-coating.

Have you heard of it before? *** To keep from potentially double-posting, I present a ChaosxLaela installment directly after Chaos saved her life. It starts in the infirmary or whatever it's called... OOO Laela opened her eyes as the first, sharp golden rays pierced through the window, dazzling her with the beautiful light of morning. As she moved her hand to keep the sun out of her eyes, she felt a stinging pain in her shoulder and a dull ache in her skull. That's right... I was shot, and it was supposed to kill me.. But how did I dodge the bullet? she wondered, brown eyes thoughtful. She remembered someone calling her name, whipping her head around just in time to see a man firing a shotgun at her, something (or someone?) flinging her to the ground, the bullet nicking her shoulder, blacking out as her head slammed hard against the asphalt. She looked down her bed, and her eyes widened in shock as she saw the head of blond hair lying on her sheets, like someone had spilled sunlight, the face anxious, yet peaceful, and he looked (dare she say it) handsome. Letting out a little gasp, she tried to comprehend why Chaos was lying on her bed. She had heard Nero teasing him countless times about his 'crush' on her, but she'd always presumed Nero was just jesting. At the sound, Chaos stirred, sleepily opening his blue eyes, like sparkling sapphires, drooping with exhaustion. "Laela," he murmured, slowly picking himself off of the bed. "Are you okay? Do I need to call back the doctor? Feeling any pain?" His concern touched her for reasons god-knows-what, and she could hardly believe it. This was the boy she'd hated, who she constantly argued with, who treated human lives like they were nothing? At least, all but a few. She hadn't thought she was on the list. "Chaos, I'm fine, really," she assured him, happy to see the pressing anxiety fading out of his eyes as he gave a sigh of relief. "Chaos... What happened? I know I got shot, but I don't know why I'm alive-" "I tried to warn you, it was too late for you to move out of the way," explained Chaos, rushing through the words sounding nearly breathless. "So I had to push you down- I'm sorry for knocking you out though. I am really am." Even more shocking news, he sounded sincere. "It's okay," Laela said, pulling some of her light chocolate locks behind her ear. "Wait, Chaos, did you stay the whole night?" "I've been by your side since the moment you were injured. I fell asleep though. But I had to know if you were okay, and I wanted to see you when you woke up," he insisted, sounding like he was pleading. What was up with him? "Why, Chaos? You hate me!" asked Laela, flinching as Chaos approached so his face was mere inches from her. She could see every bright aqua speck in his eyes as he held her chin up, staring at her with ferocious intensity. "Is that what you think? You're important to me- I wouldn't have saved you otherwise. Nero was right- I do like you," he whispered, curling a strand of her hair with his other hand. "How do you feel about me, Laela?" He was dangerously close, hot, yet cool Monty breath brushing over her face, his warmth spreading through her body like fire, and she just couldn't focus! Why did he have to be so close? Why did his presence suddenly hamper her ability to speak? It took her a while to find her tongue, by which time, she had flushed a vivid scarlet hue. "I-I don't know," she stammered, catching her breath as he leaned closer. "I'll help you make up your mind." He closed the distance swiftly and powerfully, and yet when he kissed her, he was sweet and gentle, taking great care with every movement, shifting his hands from her chin to her shoulders, and her arms unconsciously closed around the back of his head, pulling them even closer. Laela felt more demanding, losing all contact with herself and turning to instinct for help instead, and instinct said she wanted more. It was almost as if Chaos could sense her thoughts, he bit her lip hard, not enough to draw blood, but enough to make her gasp with excitement, and invitation for him to do more. More. Chaos pushed himself away, panting, looking at Laela with some trepidation, immediately feeling guilty for kissing her. "I'm sorry," he muttered, drawing back, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Chaos, I didn't say stop," said Laela expectantly, and now it was Chaos's turn to be surprised. "That helped me come to a decision. I think I like you to." Chaps gave a brilliant smile, filled with more happiness than Laela had ever seen before. It made her bubble up with joy as she beckoned him closer again. Their lips pressed softly together, and it was as if nothing else had ever existed, that it was all a fantasy and that this newfound love was the only reality. So right, just so perfect, how could they have not realized it sooner? Outside the door, Nero smirked, peering through a tiny crack of the door. "Knew it," he snickered. "Probably want to give those two some privacy..." He sauntered away, eager to spread the good news. ***** And that's how I imagined they fell in love. How was it?