I hope your sister will get well soon...
And about your friends and family being sick and you wishing that you are the one who who is sick instead, don't say that... I understand how you feel as I have once been in this situation where my parents were in a coma, my sis was a juvenille, my brothers depressed beyond help and my friends fighting between themselves and I was caught in the cross-fire. My grandparents were sick as well and my relatives were too busy with their own lives to help. Since I was the only one who could do anything to help and wanted to do it, I took care of my family. It was tiring and I admit I have emotional breakdowns from time to time but I know that if I get sick or get depressed, my family was going to suffer as well. Whenever, I do get sick or depressed(which was quite often since bad events started one after another), I hid it under the permanent smile on my face(whenever I relax my face, my mouth still stays in a smile so it's unless I try really hard, I can never frown).
I understand why you never tell anyone that you were sick. I think that you think that your sickness is nothing compared to theirs. If you want to hide it, it doesn't matter but you must take care of yourself as you help others. You wish that you are the one sick instead of them but you shouldn't do that. It hurts to see everyone around you in pain and you are the only one who isn't. I understand and sympathise with that. And since you are the only one who could do something, ANYTHING, you got to stay strong for the rest. Wishing that you were the one sick will get you more sad than ever. So just stay on the positive aspect of life, the fact that you are alive and the fact that you are well enough to do something. That is the only way that you can pull through this. Wishing is fine but you must face the cruel reality as well. :cry:
I'm not sure this helps at all. I know that our situations differ but I just wanna say that it is just better to focus on the positive side of life. In the darkest times, you have to hold onto hope and faith and move towards the light eventhough it is so dim. No matter what, you got to stay positive and never let your depression overcome you.
Just ignore what I say if it makes you more depressed. :sad: I'm sorry if it makes you more hurt than you already are. Stay strong and survive.