User talk:Frayten

From Detective Conan Wiki

Formatting[edit]

When you add notes like "Flashback" or "Background" in Appearances articles, can you please use the <font size=1; color=black>('''Note:''' Flashback)</font> syntax so the note looks like "(Note: Flashback)" instead of "Flashback"? Chekhov MacGuffin talk 05:11, 3 October 2014 (CEST)

If you forget or don't know how to use it, you can copy the codes from other places in the article, or from another similar article. But please stick to the original format. --- Black Demon 16:13, 3 October 2014 (CEST)

Incomprehensible English and plot summaries[edit]

Please understand that I am not trying to hurt your feelings by saying this, I am just stating plain fact. Your English writing is very poor. If there were just a few grammar and word mistakes it would be fine, but everything that you write has many, many mistakes that someone else must fix. It is good that you are enthusiastic and willing to dedicate time to filling in the parts of the wiki that are empty, but the plot summaries that you write aren't helpful because they are too hard for someone who speaks English to read. It would be best if you worked on the parts of the wiki that don't require writing much English. Chekhov MacGuffin talk 06:26, 10 September 2015 (CEST)

Frayton, I am sorry, but I had to undo your edit in The Mysterious Passenger. The reason why I reverted your edit is because what you wrote was not understandable to an English speaker. If it were just a few mistakes I wouldn't delete what you wrote, but the grammar, spelling, and punctuation were completely wrong. It is so badly written that the page has become worse rather than better. You should work on improving your English fluency before you try to write plot summaries again. I can help you find other things to work on that don't require knowing so much English if you like. Chekhov MacGuffin talk 04:21, 11 September 2015 (CEST)
I have been thinking about this since yesterday, but maybe there is a way to improve your English edits so that they are more readable. I want you to be able to contribute equal to your good intentions. One resource is the language section on the main forum here. There are other learn-English resources online. They can help you spot potential errors in your writing. Another option is to use the sandbox or a user subpage so that you can take your time getting an edit perfect without interference from anyone else. I don't know if you are using a machine like google to help you translate, but it might be useful for verb tenses, spelling, and punctuation. I wouldn't rely on a machine for anything detailed, but it may help quite a bit since you know some English already. Chekhov MacGuffin talk 23:56, 11 September 2015 (CEST)

Further fixes[edit]

"My english is fine it can be"

No it really isn't. Your written english is about the level of a 3rd grader (8-9 years old). Let me show you the problems. Chekhov MacGuffin talk 10:10, 14 September 2015 (CEST)

What you wrote[edit]

Gin and Vodka are at a bar discussing about their Client happy Face as he left Vodka stated that the Client did not relize that it would be he drank his last shot tonight.Volka also noted that Diva up stage stated that everytime that he hear her sing he would feel shiver on his spine and her good look asking Gin if she is his type a Waiter then deliver two Dry Martinis to Gin and Vodka saying it from the Singer Vodka accept it however Gin place a cigarette on Vodka drink and ask what the meaning of this Gin then grab a Ice pick and stab the waiter witch turn out be the Black Organization member Vermouth.

Vermouth told Gin and Vodka that she was just kidding and it was just a joke and ask Gin there no need for him to make a scary face which surprise Vodka Vermouth noted their interest to the Singer and thought about teasing them.

Vodka ask what was she thinking stated if someone see a famous actress like her talking to them Vermouth relief their worries stated that the customer were focus on the singer Gin told Vermouth forget about that and ask if they found what she was looking for Vermouth state that she had not found her primary target yet

Vodka ask Vermouth what she up to Gin told Vodka to give up state that her ridiculous secret life is nothing new Vermouth quote that a secret make a woman woman stated that the touch of mystery give a woman her allure Gin state that she make him sick Vermouth forget about her and ask about him about Sherry who got away from him which he say no but it won't be long for him to sniff out the traitor wherever they are stated that he will show real fear is

Example Mistakes[edit]

Gin and Vodka are at a bar discussing about their Client happy Face as he left Vodka stated that the Client did not relize that it would be he drank his last shot tonight.Volka also noted that Diva up stage stated that everytime that he hear her sing he would feel shiver on his spine

  • The preposition about does not follow the verb discuss. You discuss an object.
  • Client should not be capitalized because it is not a proper noun.
  • Happy face belongs to the client, so client needs to be possessive. ('s)
  • Face should not be capitalized because it is not a proper noun.
  • This is a run-on sentence. There needs to be some sort of punctuation to separate the independent clauses.
  • "As he left" is a dependent clause. It needs a comma to separate it from the rest of the sentence.
  • Client should not be capitalized because it is not a proper noun.
  • The correct spelling is "realize".
  • "it would be he drank" is gibberish. It should be simply "he drank".
  • A space must follow a period at the end of a sentence.
  • The first part of this run-on sentence is improperly constructed so that the meaning is incorrect. You effectively wrote, "Vodka said that the diva said that he shivers every time he hears her song". The diva doesn't say anything.
  • The correct spelling is Vodka.
  • Diva should not be capitalized because it is not a proper noun.
  • The diva requires an article, specifically the definite article "the".
  • "Up stage" uses the wrong preposition. "Onstage" is the correct word.
  • Hear is the wrong conjugation. Present third person singular of "to hear" is he/she/it hears.
  • Shiver requires an article. Use the indefinite article "a".
  • The correct idiom is "down his spine".

I have only covered two lines and there are eighteen mistakes. It took me 30 minutes just to write out the errors for these two lines alone. The rest of what you wrote is equally wrong. There are many severe mistakes which change the meaning of the sentence so that the facts become false. You aren't actually saying what you think you are saying.

Corrected[edit]

Let me write out the corrected paragraph so you can compare them.

Gin and Vodka are at a bar discussing their client's happy face. As he left, Vodka stated that the client did not realize that he drank his last shot tonight. Vodka also noted that the diva onstage would give him a shiver down his spine every time that he hears her sing. She is good looking, so Vodka asks if she is Gin's type. A waiter then delivers two dry martinis to Gin and Vodka saying they were from the singer. Vodka accepts them; however, Gin places a cigarette in Vodka's drink and asks, "What is the meaning of this?" Gin then grabs an ice pick and stabs the waiter who turns out to be the Black Organization member Vermouth.

Vermouth tells Gin and Vodka that she was just kidding and it was just a joke. She tells Gin there is no need to make a scary face which surprises Vodka. Vermouth noted their interest in the singer and thought about teasing them.

Vodka asks what she is thinking because someone might see a famous actress like her talking to them. Vermouth relieves their worries by stating that the customers are focused on the singer. Gin tells Vermouth to forget about that and asks if she found what she was looking for. Vermouth states that she has not found her primary target yet.

Vodka asks Vermouth what she is up to. Gin tells Vodka to give up, stating that her ridiculous secret life is nothing new. Vermouth quotes, "a secret makes a woman, woman". She states that a touch of mystery gives a woman her allure. Gin states that she makes him sick. Vermouth asks him about Sherry who got away from him. He says no, but it won't take long for him to sniff out traitors, wherever they are. He states that he will show them what true fear is.


Now, although this is correct English and would be acceptable to post, the writing still needs further improvement. There are places where you chose words well, but overall the paragraph lacks professional style and refinement. Most of the English is very simplistic and childlike. Ideally all the writing on the wiki should sound like it was written by a high school student or better. That level is the most pleasant to read. I have tried rewriting the paragraph to sound more professional.

Gin and Vodka are at a high end bar with a live music act. They just wrapped up a meeting with an unfortunate client who walked out with a happy face, not knowing he just had his final drink. Vodka notices that Gin seems enamored by the songstress onstage and praises her voice. At that moment, a waiter delivers two dry martinis to their table, stating that they were from the diva. Vodka accepts them with pleasure, but before he can drink, Gin snuffs his cigarette out in the martini and demands to know what kind of game the waiter is playing. Before the waiter can reply, Gin slams the waiter's head to the table and attempts to spear him with an icepick. The waiter jerks out from Gin's grip, leaving his latex mask behind. The waiter is actually a woman in disguise: the Black Organization agent Vermouth.

Vermouth explains that she was just teasing the two men who were besotted with the singer. Vodka worries that the commotion might have attracted unwanted attention because Vermouth is also a famous actress going by the alias Chris Vineyard. Vermouth reassures him that everyone is too focused on the diva to notice them.

Gin then asks Vermouth if she found "the one" she was searching for, and Vermouth replies that she hasn't. Vodka tries to ask for clarification, but Gin tells him it's useless because Vermouth loves keeping secrets. Her catchphrase is "a secret makes a woman, woman" because a touch of mystery gives a woman her allure. Gin finds her secret-keeping habit repulsive. In return, Vermouth asks if Gin has found Sherry. Gin says that no traitor can hide from him, and that soon enough he will make both Sherry and the man who protected her at the Hyde City Hotel taste true fear.

Banned[edit]

I banned you for spamming recruitment messages on other users' talk pages and removing a cleanup tag. Chekhov MacGuffin talk 19:28, 12 November 2016 (CET)