ummmmmm... *ponders while fidgety* where should I begin...?
Well... during the very start of the recession 5 years ago... my family lost our house and we were forced to move. My mom lost her job a year later and we couldn't afford the rent in our condo... we then moved to an apartment... and a year later we moved again- and again.... but that doesn't explain it all so let me go through things one by one.
Firstly- Lets start with my birthday... it sucked- but I'm not allowed to complain. I got NOT ONE present for my birthday, my sister didn't wish me happy birthday and went to Prom... Also before she left she made sure to beat the living crap out of me and manage to cancel my sweet sixteen party. And My grandma called me my sister's name (which wasn't as bad as other things-but it still sucks to be referenced with her.) My sister is a very selfish person. For the past 3 years she has ruined every birthday I've had.
My 14th Birthday was ruined when she Blew out the candles on my cake and wished I would die.
My 15th Birthday was when she threw my present out the window and it broke.
My 16th Birthday was ruined when she punched me until my nose was bleeding.
After 2 days when these incidents took place- she acted like nothing happened and she smiled and hugged me. if theat's not Bi-polar... I don't know what is....... -____-
Secondly-I'm moving in about 2 weeks so my mom keeps complaining to me about how everything in her life is turning out bad (note: I've had to listen to her the past 5 years like this) Plus I share a room with my mom, because my sister won't share a room with me... so I haven't had my own room for the past 5 years....
I've moved every year in the past 5 years along with schools... And I finally got to choose the school I wanted this time and my sister keeps F***ing with my subconscious telling me "nobody will like you over at that school for who you are..." yeah- HER EXACT WORDS!
Next- My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 4 and my dad doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know I like anime- he doesn't care that he's physically abused me when he was drunk. My mom knows I like anime and detective Conan, but she hates when I'm anywhere near it. She rejects it with her entire being and that makes everything harder. My sister too... She hates anime so much. She's a cheerleader by the way- my sister is literally a lying B*tch and she hits me and makes me clean and do things for her. ( and I can't complain or else I'll be beaten up...)
My friend-(She who must not be named)-betrayed me. We got in a fight about how I have no don't do anything and she called me a brat and said I "don't care about anyone but myself" (WELL, IF THAT DIDN'T HIT A NERVE I WOULD SAY I'M EMOTIONLESS!) but she was my best friend.... she called me later saying sorry- I was just stressed... I didn't call back... I was angry, but a few weeks ago I knew I regretted it, so I wrote a heartfelt apology letter and gave it to her. She still never talked to me. When I confronted her, she said she was done with the drama and didn't want anything to do with me.... (I'm seriously holding back tears now...)
Also... My sister sneaks out of the house when my moms at work and I have to hide her secrets or else I'll be abused some more. My mom has no control over my sister... after all my mom is 62 years old and should be retired... My dad is in the National Guard and is always away a camps and military bases (he's also being deployed to Afghanistan this Christmas) So I'm always at home on the Computer. And DCW/writing/reading/watching anime gives me something to do- but my mom and sister hate me for it...
My sister always complains that she hates me and my mom. That she wants nothing to do with us and that we live in a crappy place... WE COULDN'T HELP THAT! She also complained to ME one time that SHE wanted to commit suicide... I didn't say anything of course, but my god did I just want to SCREAM AT HER!!! SHE RUINED MY PERSONALITY! SHE KILLS ME WITH HER PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE!!! "I hate it here too... but I don't F***ing complain like a B*tch..." That's what I should say.
Oh, yeah and did I mention she hit me with the car one time. She's lucky I didn't break my leg or get a concussion. But what kind of F***ed up person hits their own little sister with a F***ing CAR!?!?
I can't have any opinions with my family anymore... the only friend I could talk to about everything is gone and I'm still abused by my sister-(physically and mentally)... I've also cut my wrist...
Please don't try to say anything about "It will get better!" or "don't let it get to you!" because for 5 years I thought it would get better and tried not to have it get me, But it's not like she's gonna stop abusing me or my friend will come back and say sorry for everything.
Alright-Alright... maybe by some miracle that does happen... it still wouldn't changed what has happened... it wouldn't change anything... I can't just forget about it like I try too...
If you read all of this... I thank you so God-Damn much for being there. I sometimes don't know if I can do it anymore, but only stay because I know I can't kill myself... For some reason I want to-but for some other strange reason I won't...
Thank you Min'na