Share Funny Jokes and Amusing Stories!

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Share funny jokes, funny riddles, funny short stories, and even any amusing stories that happened in your daily life!

See what everyone got up their sleeves, and who's joke can make everyone burts into peals of laughter!

You can comment and express your opinions on the following jokes. If you like the said essays then feel free to give the post a point!

Press the plus button if you find the post amusing.

[Inspector Gin 45]

Wow this looks nice, I can not white to get started. :grin:

Are we allowed to get jokes, funny riddles and funny short stories from a Book or the Internet?

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Wow this looks nice, I can not white to get started. :grin:

Are we allowed to get jokes, funny riddles and funny short stories from a Book or the Internet?

Of course you can! Just name it!

But it'd be more appropriate if you make one yourself, but... you can do otherwise. Also, to respect other's work, it would be better if you put the source where you'd have taken them from (it's not necessary, though).

[CarpetCrawler 280]

Did I ever tell you about the girl I dated that owned a horse?

It wasn't a very STABLE relationship!!

/This is why people don't like me.

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Did I ever tell you about the girl I dated that owned a horse?

It wasn't a very STABLE relationship!!

/This is why people don't like me.

Wow, haha, that's a GOOD one, CarpetCrawler! Nice joke~ *adding a point to the post*

Okay, I'll post a joke that I read somewhere :

Husband and wife had an argument for some reason, they ended up not talking to each other. One day, the husband wants his wife to wake him up at 10 o'clock, but since he was not talking to her he wrote her a note to wake him up, it said, "Wake me up at 10:00."

He slept and by the time passes he woke up to find it was already late (pass ten). Next to him he finds a note... saying... "Wake up! It's ten o'clock already!"

[J3nny 22]

funny

This one is a knock knock joke, i don't think it is funny but i'll give it a try

Knock,knock

Who's there

Boo

Boo"hoo"

Oh, don't cry it's just a joke

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Haha, that's a good one, J.Conan.K-chan~ *adding a point*

Teacher: How do you spell 'wrong'?

Student: R?o?n?g?

Teacher: That’s wrong! ...You pinhead!

Student: That’s what you asked for, isn’t it?

[J3nny 22]

A point for you OFICCER KAOKO.. i think it really funny since the pictures add so much effect

A boy and a girl was riding a cab home, they fell asleep. When they wake up, the car was moving but there was no driver...

-AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GHOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-scream the couple

the cab suddenly stop

-Idiots, there is no ghost, the car engine is shut down, get down here and push-said the cab driver

The couple chuckle nervously and take full force and charge out of the cab immediately and they ran all the way home

-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

[Officer Kaoko 142]

A point for you OFICCER KAOKO.. i think it really funny since the pictures add so much effect

A boy and a girl was riding a cab home, they fell asleep. When they wake up, the car was moving but there was no driver...

-AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GHOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-scream the couple

the cab suddenly stop

-Idiots, there is no ghost, the car engine is shut down, get down here and push-said the cab driver

The couple chuckle nervously and take full force and charge out of the cab immediately and they ran all the way home

-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Thanks J.Conan.K-chan~ Haha, yes, you should do that, too! That joke is very funny~ Ohohohoho! *adding point~*

This blonde wanted a haircut, so she goes to the hair sylist and says, "I want a haircut." The sylist says, "Sure, but only if you'll take off your headphones." The blonde replies, "If I do, I will die" and proceeds to walk out of the salon. So, the blond and the sylist have similar conversation for a few more days. Then the blond comes in again, and asks for a haircut. The hair sylist says again that she would have to take off the headphones. Blonde then again replies that she would die if she did. So, the hair sylist just goes up to the blonde and takes off her headphones. The blonde dies. The hair sylist listens to what was playing on her headphones, and she hears "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."

A woman lives with 3 guy friends from college. One day she is taking a shower when there is a knock on the door. The man yells "its Frank." she remembers Frank is the fireman so she puts on a robe and gets the door. He says he just put out his first fire. She congratulates him and closes the door. Then there is another knock on the door and he yells "its Bob" she remembers Bob is a police man so she puts on a robe again. Bob says I just arrested my first criminal. She says congratulations and goes back to her shower. Then again another knock on the door comes and the man says "it's me... Josh" she remembers Josh is blind so doesn't bother to put on a robe. She opens the door and Josh says "Wow, I just got my eyesight back!!!!!"

[HalfAngel 28]

Haha, all these are pretty funny

Here's one a remember from a long, long time ago:

Three people once found a magic slide that gave you whatever you shouted to it as you slide down. The first man yelled "Gold!" and landed on a stack of gold. The second person shouted "Money!" and landed in a pile of money. As the third person slid down, he yelled "WEEEEEEEEEEE~!" and guess what? He landed in a pool of wee.

[CarpetCrawler 280]

One cannibal said to the other, "Gee, I really don't like your mother-in-law."

"That's fine," said the other canninbal, "put her to the side of your plate and eat your vegetables."

[Scar Akai 65]

One cannibal said to the other, "Gee, I really don't like your mother-in-law."

"That's fine," said the other canninbal, "put her to the side of your plate and eat your vegetables."

lmao.... nice one

[Officer Kaoko 142]

Haha, all these are pretty funny

Here's one a remember from a long, long time ago:

Three people once found a magic slide that gave you whatever you shouted to it as you slide down. The first man yelled "Gold!" and landed on a stack of gold. The second person shouted "Money!" and landed in a pile of money. As the third person slid down, he yelled "WEEEEEEEEEEE~!" and guess what? He landed in a pool of wee.

Huh,what kind of joke is that?

Ohohohoho! That was a good one, HalfAngel-chan! *Adding a point*

One cannibal said to the other, "Gee, I really don't like your mother-in-law."

"That's fine," said the other canninbal, "put her to the side of your plate and eat your vegetables."

I actually forgot the meaning of 'Cannibal', and looked at it in the Wiki... and... Hahahahahahahha! That was a good one, CARPET-SAN! *Adding point (they all seems to be a good jokes (thank you everyone)!)*

Edited December 10, 2010 by Officer Kaoko

[J3nny 22]

What do you do to wake Lady Gaga up?

Poke "her" face

[Inspector Gin 45]

Wahahahahah!!! I like this joke so I will like to share it with you.

...Enjoy...

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

:wink: ..It is from a website I visited.. :wink:

[Scar Akai 65]

For those who understand bahasa Indonesia:

Pada suatu kunjungan di sebuah peternakan yang dilakukan oleh peserta seminar untuk keluarga harmonis, seorang Pemandu acara menceritakan bahwa sapi di tempat tersebut sangat sehat dan kuat-kuat.

Pemandu :"... Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand sangat kuat, sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina"

Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol suaminya :".. Tuh.. Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak...?"

*Trus lanjut pemandu,

Pemandu :"... Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa 10 Kali"

Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi suaminya :"Tuh..pak 10 x bayangin.....!!!"

Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu,"Pak... itu 10 kali dengan betina yang sama apa enggak...?"

Pemandu :"Ya... beda-beda dong Pak"

Bapak-bapak :"Tuh...... Bu, betinanya beda-beda, boleh nggak...??"

[Inspector Gin 45]

For those who understand English:

On a visit at a farm by the seminar participants for family harmony, a Host reported that cows in these places is very healthy and strong men.

Mr. and Mrs. :"... guide, this cow from New Zealand is very strong, 5 times a day can relate to cow "

The mothers while nyenggol her husband: ".. See .. Pak 5 times a day, can not ...?"

* Trus-up guide,

Mr. and Mrs. :"... guide, this stronger Australian beef again, a day may 10 Times "

Mothers nyenggol again her husband: "See .. pack 10 x bayangin .....!!!"

Fathers getting hotter and asked the guide, "Sir ... it 10 times with the same female baseball what ...?"

Wizard: "Yes ... the disparate dong Pak"

Gentlemen: "See ...... Mom, females different backgrounds, may not ...??"

[Scar Akai 65]

Stop using google translator and making no particular sense.

[Inspector Gin 45]

Stop using google translator and making no particular sense.

Wahahahahahahahah...You got me there, I did not get it to, so will you pleas translate it for us. :grin:

And where is my 'thank you' for trying?

[Huntsman 1]

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

[J3nny 22]

i don't get it!

[blueberry 25]

here is an L (death note) joke inside the spoiler

[Savior 7]

There once was this cranky old couple. The man didn't really get along with the women. One day the old women suggests that they travel before they die, she at least wants to have one happy moment in her life. The man agrees. The old women picks Jerusalem. While they are there, the women passes away. The old man then goes to talk to a mortician about having his wife buried. He says that having her buried in Jerusalem would cost him a couple hundred dollars. it would be better than to have her shipped to the U.S. and buried there because it would cost him thousands. The old man quickly decides to send her back to the U.S. the mortician asks the old man why he made that decision, when she would probably prefer to be buried in Jerusalem. The old mas says; "are you crazy!? I heard a story about a man that died here a long time ago, and then resurrected. There is no way I am taking those chances."

[Scar Akai 65]

There once was this cranky old couple. The man didn't really get along with the women. One day the old women suggests that they travel before they die, she at least wants to have one happy moment in her life. The man agrees. The old women picks Jerusalem. While they are there, the women passes away. The old man then goes to talk to a mortician about having his wife buried. He says that having her buried in Jerusalem would cost him a couple hundred dollars. it would be better than to have her shipped to the U.S. and buried there because it would cost him thousands. The old man quickly decides to send her back to the U.S. the mortician asks the old man why he made that decision, when she would probably prefer to be buried in Jerusalem. The old mas says; "are you crazy!? I heard a story about a man that died here a long time ago, and then resurrected. There is no way I am taking those chances."

You might want to change the 'a man' to two. Lazarus and JESUS were both resurrected from the dead.... That, if you don't count the old Testament ...

[blueberry 25]

You might want to change the 'a man' to two. Lazarus and JESUS were both resurrected from the dead.... That, if you don't count the old Testament ...

can I ask you guys a question if you're catholic and laughed at this joke does that mean you're crazy?