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Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/06/11 in all areas
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Just thought i'd do one last drawing before i have to start school x I'll be super busy so wont be able to enjoy my hobby(DRAWING) x So here's another scene between Shiho and Shinichi x LOVE THE PARING!!! What about... her?3 points
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I hope you don't find my critique too harsh... I'm only trying to help. Just keep that in mind before you read the rest of this. I'm trying not to sugar-coat my comments, because in the end, the one who loses will be the writer. This story is rushed and pretty hard to understand. I understand English probably isn't your first language (I don't know where you're from), so I understand the grammar mistakes can't really be helped, English is complicated. Some things I want to point out are inconsistencies where you mark your dialogue. For parts of it you put it in quotes, and some you just leave unmarked. About details and plotline. Details always help a story flow, and I say, the more detail, the better! As long as your words don't repeat, don't ramble on too long, and don't kill your readers. For example, for the first part, you could detail it like this. 'Shinichi yawned as he woke up, turning his head to see his wife, Shiho, lying peacefully next to him, her strawberry-blonde hair spilling over the white sheets. He softly stroked the smooth, sweet-smelling strands, smiling as he said, "Good morning, Shiho dear." ' Well, you don't have to detail it like me, because I usually end writing a paragraph to describe a person's smile and how it relates to their eyes. But detail would be quite appreciated. The detail is especially important when it came to Shinichi's death. At the moment, I'm trying to figure out what killed him. 'Accident' usually means death by some car accident, so I'm presuming he was driving his car and was hit by something, or he was walking and a car hit him. If he was murdered, then you'll want to say, 'his head was bleeding from where the skull had been crushed by a heavy object' or 'a knife protruded from his back, dying the skin and clothes around it a deep, muddy-red', really, just anything that'll tell us what happened. Otherwise, we're all left hanging in the dark if you catch my drift. For the funeral, is there a reason Shiho doesn't say anything? If she's crying in the back, unable to say good-bye, then you have to tell us or we'll think she's disappeared. And if she simply isn't there... That's a detail you need to mention. Otherwise it feels as if you've forgotten Shiho. I liked the things the characters said as they passed his grave, but it'd be better if you described the emotion behind their voices. Each of them is missing Shinichi for a different reason, and some you can just leave out. For example, only two or three characters should really have to say something, the rest could just pass by and give their respect. Otherwise it starts sounding like a list. I'd suggest the few people to be Ran, Shinichi's parents, perhaps Agasa, and definitely Shiho if you decide to mention her. Think if it like a photo. The characters that are important are crisp and clear, very detailed, and the background ones are a bit blurry, there, but don't hd the same effect. You need to decide which ones are crisp and clear, and which ones are blurry. If they're all clear, we don't know which one to focus on, and if they're all blurry, we have a hard time figuring out what was important. So I suggest more detail, and exclusion of less important characters. Also, for funeral scenes like this, try and set a goal. Try and make the audience cry. It's hard, but I think with a lot of effort, you could do it. Show us everybody's tears, tell us about the depressed, lifeless atmosphere, like the color has been sucked out, describe how Shinichi's picture smiles at them, how happy he looks, how he'll never smile again. Bring out small things, happy memories, little Conan, previous, fantastically-solved cases, things that make us smile, and yet sad because we know that person is now gone. As far as characterization went, you did a fair job of it, and there's nothing here that strikes me as being extremely out of character. (I put aside my ShinRan prejudices in order to judge this better.) My only lronlem is that Shiho's character is pretty cold, so her interactions with Shinichi are probably a form of romantic bickering, not the perfect always sweet type. She likes teasing. (you could use "So the great detective finally decided to wake up! I thought you'd stay in bed all day, love."<- I think I stole this from some DraMione fanfic I was reading...) So all in all, there's a lot that could be improved, but I think you're capable of it. Just remember. Detail. That's the most important element of a story besides plot and characters. Otherwise, we're just listening to monotone. Sorry if any of this was too harsh, but I'm willing to help if you ask! So don't be afraid to ask me how to improve, and please do mention it if you'd like some sugar-coating.2 points
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I pretty much agree with all of the above.I think Akai never told James what he was up to because of the exchange between James and Akai right before Akai went to meet Rena; however, James has been shown to be a decent reader of people. James is usually the one informing other characters about why the various FBI members act the way they do, like Akai becoming more closed off because of Akemi's death, and Jodie being sensitive about Akai's death because they were a pair. I think he knows Akai well enough to suspect his strange behavior at the time indicated that he had a plan and James hasn't lost all trust in Akai yet. Bonus points if James noticed Rikumichi's body was gone because someone should be keeping track of stuff like that, and as leader of the FBI action, James would be first to hear that the body went missing.2 points
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as a promised here is akai on a building shooting gin with a sniper, and gin has a shotgun in his hand. but i think it looks not what it's said. sorry~ and because there was a problem with the scanner so i took it with my sister's camera. http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n504/jovan61/P8300070.jpg http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n504/jovan61/P8300071.jpg2 points
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So... I was wondering, has anyone else around here watched Shugo Chara (or is anyone in the process of watching it)?1 point
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Some drawings I do...and stuff : D. (aka reposting my stuff because I haven't drawn in a while orz). Drawings: Manga colouring: Signature:1 point
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Ok...I'm a little mad...there are just a few detectives anime and I want to gather all in one place, so if you know a detective anime, type it here. First, obviously, is Detective Conan, then Detective Academy Q, Spiral: Suri no Kizuna, Physic Detective Yakumo...that's all I know...1 point
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Update : 'This will go on a big hiatus ! Thanks for all the help for editing and stuff ! Warning ! This is a ShinShi fanfic ! If you don't like ShinShi I recommend you don't read this ! Disclaimer I don't own anything from DC. All the names I used belong to their rightfull owner. A/N This is my first FanFic hope you will like it. If you have any critic or tips please tell me. It's 8 am in the morning, when the sun shines at it brightest. Shinichi wokes up and greeted his wife. “Good morning, Shiho my dear.” ”Ah,” she moaned softly. Shiho walked to Shinichi and gave him a kiss. *smooch* She then hugged Shinichi and said a bit sarcastically, “Oh, so a non-romantic guy like you actually likes kisses?” Shinichi pretended to frown and said, “Naturally I like it cause it was from you.” Suddenly, Shinichi's cellphone began to ring. He scrambled to pick it up and instantly heard Takagi's voice on the line. "Shinichi, come as fast as you can! We have a case!" After mentally jotting down the details, Shinichi shoved the phone in his pocket and turned to Shiho. “I need to go, Dear!” he said with an ounce of regret. “See you tonight!” Shiho smiled in understanding. “Another case?” Shinichi nodded. “Duty calls!” oOo Shinichi ran as fast as he could to the crime scene, hoping to prevent any further killing from taking place. After finding the evidence which pointed to the real murderer, he set out to locate him. Half an hour later, he located his target, but the culprit ran way. Shinichi chased him down town, but lost him in a crowd. At last, he pinpointed his location: it was a restaurant across the street. The Great Detective hurried to stop him from attempting to escape, without giving a thought to his own safety. Suddenly, he heard a honking noise. Glancing around, he saw to his horror that a huge black truck was headed his way. He tried to turn back, but it was too late. It crashed with full force into his body. Shinichi saw a man covered in white with a guy covered in black next to him. Shinichi breathed his last breath and said, “Shiho ..I...L…o…v…e…You…and collapsed backwards into the ground. The Great Detective of the East was no more. When Inspector Megure and Takagi heard about the accident, they hurried over to the scene and confirmed for themselves. ”Takagi, contact his wife,” Megure ordered. Takagi was shocked and instinctively replied with a “Yes!” His fingers were trembling as he dialed the number. Back at home, Shiho was typing on her computer when the phone rang. Getting up from her seat, she rushed to pick it up. "Hello, Kudo residence. How may I help you?" "Hello, is this Kudo Shinichi's wife?" came a nervous voice from the other end. "Why, yes it is. Is this Officer Takagi?" she asked. "Yes, Maam. I called to say that your husband--" "What's wrong with my husband? Did something bad happen to him?" Shiho asked anxiously. "I'm sorry to say that we found him lying unconscious on the street. It appears that he met an accident while investigating a crime scene," Takagi slowly explained the painful truth. "No!" she screamed. Impossible. He couldn’t have died so easily! "I'm really sorry, Maam. We rushed him to the hospital. You should come at once." "I will." She put the phone down with trembling fingers. Tears slid down her cheek and she began to sob. Shinichi, please be safe, she cried, rushing outside to hail a taxi. oOo When she reached the hospital, nurses and attendants were rushing around. One of them took her to her husband's room, where she saw the police officers gathered around Shinichi's lifeless body. “Madam please stay calm,” Megure tried to calm her down. How can I be calm if my man died!" she screamed, choking back tears. “Why…why...why does he need to die? My dear Shinichi, why did you leave me!" Her tears kept flowing freely and no one could stop her. oOo Three days later, the funeral was held in Beika city. The sky was cloudy and it began to rain. You could hear the soft patter of the raindrops going tik...tok..tik.tak.tok..tik...tok. As Shinichi was lowered into the grave, Ran passed by and cried, saying, "Shinichi, you were my childhood friend and my one best friend and I will really miss you." Mouri, who was known to hate Shinichi still said respectfully, “You were a good detective. I hope you have a nice time in heaven.” Inspector Megure said, “Shinichi we will miss you” and saluted with officers Sato and Takagi at his side. Professor Agasa could not control his tears from flowing down his cheeks. "Shinichi, you were like a grandson to me. I will miss you just as much as your parents will." His parents stood before the grave stared at the coffin. They cried for ten minutes before saying farewell to their brave son. "I will miss you terribly, my son. You will always be in our hearts. For me, you will always be the greatest detective there ever was," said Yusaku. "Shin-chan, maybe you can tour us around Heaven when we die," Yukiko tried to joke. "You need to take care of yourself or I will come and get you!" She fought to hold back her tears but could not. He was her only son and she, along with everyone else, would surely miss him. After everyone had the chance to lay flowers and say their last goodbyes, the Priest followed the necessary procedures, then at last gave the command to close the grave. Finally, a stone memorial was erected on top. Hope you have enjoyed it! There gonna be a continuation. Update Thanks for all the critic. I will update this once in while after i have found flaws in it. It will become better and better.1 point
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Dear Anonymous, Are you still wondering about my crying yesterday ? Please, just think that I was homesick, OK ? I beg you. Maybe it will be better if you just know it that way. Don't ask me anymore. How can I ever answer that I was actually crying about... you ? Why are you being so kind to me ? Please stop it ! I don't deserve it ! I can't take it anymore. Up until now, I still cannot believe it. I still cannot find the true answer. You proclaimed that I am your younger brother to your friends even though that was the first time we met, while my own sibling doesn't even want my existence. You always ask if I have eaten, because you're afraid that I might have skipped my meal. You willingly share your objects with me despite my denial, while my so called "best friend" took everything away from me. Just by thinking that you gave me a whole family while my real one almost made me want to kill that I cannot hold my tears. Never in my life have I been allowed to dream of such treatment. And just by thinking that we'll forever depart when next summer comes that I sob even more. How can life be this cruel ? Therefore, once again, please stop being so nice to me. I don't want to take advantage of your kindness anymore. And more importantly, I don't ever want ANYONE to earn a special place in my heart, because that will only make everything more painful. So if someday that we happen to meet again as enemies, I won't have to hesitate, I will do what I'll have to do. I'll forever be your best roommate, but not your brother. I hope you understand what I said. I'm also writing this to you with my teary eyes. Signed, BD.1 point
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uuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaa! so cool! so cool! so cool! so cool! so cool! so cool! so cool! so cool! >_< just keep it up okay!1 point
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Thanks for the critic >_< ! I appreciate the tips very much ! i will try to work on that !1 point
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Sadness and loneliness is the one thing that you will never dispose nor forget. You don't need love ! your loneliness and imagination will fill up that hole ! If you're hurt by people use those memories to fire you up to make everything perfect ! Perfect doesn't exist . What they call perfect is just a small amount of hope they use to make themself feel good. Nothing can be created unless you give something for it back. Absolute and obedience are things that you will remember you whole life ! To keep yourself safe you need obedience and absolute power ! To confront somebody stronger than you ,you need something that makes up for the lack of power. To get absolute power you need information that can counter somebody. Brains and manipulation can crush people.1 point
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Thanks you guys ! >_< ! You've helped me much now only clear all my notifications so you guys can pm me <3 !1 point
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no it's not that critical ! i was planning to let shiho come behind who killed Shinichi but there's actually a greater plot behind it >_< ! that will come in part 2 with a time skip !1 point
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because some people won't like the topic... yeah, this is YURI... BUT, THIS IS NOT EXPLICIT IN ANY WAY! IF YOU HAVE THAT MUCH OF A PROBLEM WITH YURI PRETEND THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS OR SOMETHING ^^; JUST DON'T HATE ON IT CUZ IT'S YURI~ anyways enjoy Safe With You1 point
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well... so yeah... KaiShin Chibi Kiss <3 *WARNING* THE ABOVE PHOTO IS YAOI, IT'S MINOR YAOI, BUT YAOI NONETHELESS, LOOK AT YOUR OWN RISK! i don't know why, but i really wanted to write that1 point
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Sure sure! When I listen to jovan-kuns advice I draw jiraiya then BOOM. I dont know. Hahaha Please tell me advice!, I dont mind. :wink:1 point
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I think that old man knows much more than we thought. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that James knew the secret behind Akai's death from the beginning. It may explains why Gosho never let him meet Scar Akai face-to-face, as his reaction might have spoiled everything... (The same reason why Gosho avoided letting Ai approach Scar Akai, since she has the "Bo sense").1 point
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But it's the detective conan wiki, not the "little known mystery anime" wiki :/1 point
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Hehe, Well ,Everyone knows how kind im.. << what a lie Anyway, Just thought to give all my friends some reps.. I'll make a schedule for everyone turn.. Today was MKK turn, Tommorow is ktpt turn,cuz I already promised 'em Anyway without non sense talking... if you really want to get reps quickly,then Im here for you \o/ First one to comment gets after Tommorow reps *Chibi* so comment!!!!!!!~ XD Any Questions about how will this works just ask me.. Here or comment in my prof or pm or whatever *Chibi*1 point
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Another random drawing i created It is of Ai and Ran, as teens, together x Still need to draw a picture for Hakuba's Bday :s Better get started... Ran and Ai CUTE1 point
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XDDDDDD COLOURS ARE STILL TuRNING UP WRONG... I need to get another scanner soon XDDDD Anyways... Here. COLOURED: Uncoloured:1 point
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This would not be what you will expect... *Sigh* Maybe I shouldn't have coloured it... >__< My scanner do not scan the colours properly and all the colours were distorted... Sorry about the background. Its not supposed to be coloured... I don't understand how it got coloured when I scanned it in. I intended to redo because it wasn't what I have expected, BUT I guess I was lazy. Hmm... Somehow, I think before I did the colouring, he looked a little... a little little arrogant, but after I did the colouring, the arrogance just disappeared... I wonder why... and... <EDITED: I THINK I TURNED NERO INTO AN ASIAN XDDDDDD WHOOPS.... MY DRAWING ALWAYS END UP THIS WAY!!! >__< *SIGH*> Well, there are people who said it was bad after they've seen it. I hope its just a joke but... XDDD Don't expect too much of it... But erm... please comment! I don't mind criticisms... but please don't flame... Here: Uncoloured Version: Adapted from Aeyra's drawing. Here: http://www.detectiveconanworld.com/forum/topic/2192-its-nero/1 point
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Ok... erm... You know I RARELY draw... But since its your birthday... I guess I'll just... AND YOU KNOW I HATE COLOURING. BUT SINCE ITS YOUR PRESENT I DECIDED NOT TO BE LAZY Don't flame me if its bad (You can comment though just don't flame )1 point
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