User:Parkur

Parkur

Profile

Japanese name:

Risoto bifu

English name:

Parkur, Heavyweight Champion of the World... of stamp collecting

Age:

is just a number, baby

Gender:

?

Height:

7'4"

Weight:

500 POUNDS, BROTHER, LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD BROTHER

Date of birth:

PARKUR-A-MANIA HAS BEEN ALIVE SINCE THE AGE OF THE DINOSAURS, BROTHER

Relatives:

Kelly Kelly (sister), Cheesus Cheesecake (brother, kayfabe)

Nicknames:

THE PARKSTER, PARKUR-A-MANIA, "MEAN" GENE PARKURLUND

Aliases:

D.B. Cooper

Statistics

First appearance:

THE BIRTH OF TIME, BROTHER

Appearances:

IN THE CENTER OF THE RING... counting the lights, brother. :<

Cases solved:

MATCHES WON: ALL OF THEM (BACKSTAGE POLITICS, BROTHER)

Keyhole:

ALL KEYHOLES OF ROOMS OF RINGRATS, BROTHER

Parkur is known by various nicknames in various corners of the internet, "The Parkster" "The One-Man Minnesota Wrecking Crew Man (Who isn't from Minnesota)" "The Next David Otunga... in the ring" "Lord Slug" and most commonly "The Zest In Your World"

Watcher of more Steve Wilkos Show reruns than most people, he's got a much more developed opinion of fossil fuels than the majority of people currently reading this.

Also known as a master of sharks, it's rumored that Parkur helped to pioneer the widespread use of sharks on the internet, as his first words consisted of telling his mother how we need more sharks on the internet.

He also probably doesn't care about your children.

Jobbing

Making those who are "beneath him" job is one of Parkur's main interests, everybody that Parkur talks to is a jobber. When one sees Parkur, they are expected to lay down on the ground whilst Parkur runs for the cover. It could be anywhere. A restaurant, a busy intersection, the bathroom, anywhere.

Wrestling

Wrestling is Parkur's main passion, he has been keeping up with wrestling since about 1905, watching TNA, WCW, "Anything written by Vince Russo", and Kevin Nash matches.

Parkur's favorite male wrestlers include: Kevin Nash, Scott Hal (TNA only), The Nasty Boys, and Naked Mideon.

Parkur's favorite female wrestlers include: Kelly Kelly.

TALE OF THE TAPE

PARKUR HAILS FROM...VENICE BEACH, CALIFORNIA
THEME SONG...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Tz9gbDkhMw
PARKUR'S FAVORITE OPPONENT...EUGENE
PARKUR'S FAVORITE SHITTY 2006 TAG TEAM...THE HIGHLANDERS
PARKUR'S FINISHING MOVE...THE BOOMERANG
FOREVER PARKUR'S TAG TEAM PARTNER...ROB TERRY
LEAST FAVORITE MOVE TO HAVE DONE ON HIM...BRIAN KNOBBS' HURRICANRANA