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anniemay

Th Child Thief part 2

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Here's part 2, Sorry for taking so long.

3:30 P.M (home)

The whole day went by in a flash even with Misaki angry at me.

She had nagged me most of the day about liking bad guys, and in the end she finely stopped by the end of school.

"Darn Misaki just because she hates bad guys she has to yell at me for watching myself," I grumbled as I walked in to the living room.

"Welcome home Tomi," a Young sweet woman's voice called from the kitchen.

"Hi mom," I sighed as I started to head up the stairs.

"What's wrong dear?" Mom asked her voice sounding closer the before.

I stopped and turned around to see her behind me.

"Oh it's nothing just got yelled at by Misaki again," I said as I moved a lock of brown hair from in front of her eyes.

"She caught you watching Kloak again did she?" Mom chuckled.

"Yeah," I huffed and went up stairs to my room.

I took of my coat and flopped down on to my bed.

I sat up and looked around at the soccer posters, and bookshelf full of books.

"I don't enjoy being kloak, but I have to do for my grandfather," I thought as I stood up and went to my desk by the window.

I picked up a picture of a little bespectacled boy and a older looking man off the desk and looked at it.

"I hate it so much that I haven't told mom but I have to," I thought as I looked at the picture.

I put the picture back and change in to a blue-striped shirt and jeans.

"If only things could be different then everything would be great'" I mumbled as I picked up the picture again.

I looked at the picture a good few minuets and went on to the computer to do some research for the next heist.

After a while of being on the computer I heard some noise down stairs.

"Tomi! Misaki is here!" Mom shouted up the stairs.

"Tell her I'll be there in a second!" I shouted back as I turned the computer off.

I took one last look at the picture, grabbed my blue handkerchief, and went down stairs.

"Tomi you ready?" Misaki asked as I get to the bottom of the stairs.

"Ready? Ready for what?" I asked.

Her face starts getting red and I knew I was in for it.

"For the movie you said you will take me to," Sighed.

"Oh ..that and I will be after I get my coat.

Her face goes back to it's normal light tan and I went back upstairs for my coat.

5:00 P.M (Home) after movies

"I'll never understand that girl," I complained as I sat in the couch after going to the movies.

The movie wasn't to bad but Misaki found problems with it like she does with most movies.

"Thought I heard you come in," Mom said as she come down the stairs.

"Hi mom," I said as I yawned.

"Dinner on the table so come eat," She said as she goes in the kitchen.

I followed her and turned on the small T.V mom used to watch cooking channels and news when she was in the room.

"Something wrong Tomi?" Mom asked as she sat down.

"No, I'm just worn out," I told her as took a drink of my milk.

We started to eat as the night news started.

"The Kid Kloak has said that He will take the Sun-drenched necklace from the..." The news reporter on the news announced.

"That is one bad child. I can't think of any reason for him to steal," Mom said as she put her frok.

"I'm sure he has one. Everyone has a reason to done something," I told her as I started to clear off my side of the table.

"I'm sure he does but still, it would be nice to know what it was," She said as she clears her side of the table.

"Well, I'm done and I have homework to do," I said as I hug her and head up stairs.

Please tell me what you think.

The heist will be in part 3.

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ok this confuses me...it's not even DC. and it's crazy. it's written well but i have NO IDEA who these people are.

keep going if others like it. it just confuses me

You have to read part 1 first.

This story is suppose to introduce Kloak who I'm putting in to a DC spin-off.

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i have read part 1 o.o i wouldn't read part 2 without part one. i just saw strange chracters i have no idea who they are. thats why i generally stay away from anything with OCs in them. it either confuses m, the story is strange to me OR the OCs are in a romantic relationship and add too much drama too a good story and ruins it

this is written really well but all i'm saying is that it confuses me. so it's good

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It's better than the one before but I stil got to say that it's lacking in details. It's only talking and talking but no actions and no description. You got to describe alot more than what you did here.

Oh yeah, just a little tip:

"Dinner on the table so come eat," She said as she goes in the kitchen.

The 's' in the 'She' should be a small 's'. In diaolgue, this is how the sentencing is like. Take it like this, when you end the dialogue, you put a comma right? Normally when you put a comma, the next letter after it is a small letter as well. The only exception is Proper Nouns like names which always start with a capital letter.

Some grammar mistakes and word choice could be better. Describe more. All these are really impotant to get right. Those are what makes a good story. :)

A little tip for the next chapter:

The next chapter is the heist so you got to insert more details. This is a complete must as you have to bring the readers on for the ride. Be sure to insert more action and not so much talk. Talking is fine but you have to insert the action and details. Describe the necklace, describe the inspector, describe the entire place of where Kloak would take the necklace from. Action is inevitable for the next chapter so add more words as well. When there's action, you have to describe them so well that people could actually picture the entire scene in their heads.

Other than that, the plot is alright so just continue alright? :)

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It's better than the one before but I stil got to say that it's lacking in details. It's only talking and talking but no actions and no description. You got to describe alot more than what you did here.

Oh yeah, just a little tip:

The 's' in the 'She' should be a small 's'. In diaolgue, this is how the sentencing is like. Take it like this, when you end the dialogue, you put a comma right? Normally when you put a comma, the next letter after it is a small letter as well. The only exception is Proper Nouns like names which always start with a capital letter.

Some grammar mistakes and word choice could be better. Describe more. All these are really impotant to get right. Those are what makes a good story. :)

A little tip for the next chapter:

The next chapter is the heist so you got to insert more details. This is a complete must as you have to bring the readers on for the ride. Be sure to insert more action and not so much talk. Talking is fine but you have to insert the action and details. Describe the necklace, describe the inspector, describe the entire place of where Kloak would take the necklace from. Action is inevitable for the next chapter so add more words as well. When there's action, you have to describe them so well that people could actually picture the entire scene in their heads.

Other than that, the plot is alright so just continue alright? :)

Kay thanks! I'll fix it tomorrow morning.

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