Huntsman 1 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 Hello, This is first story and is a AiConan, I made this for 2 reasons: First: I like this couple Second: English isn't my native lenguage so I need to strengthen it, and the best way is writting a story, so, let's start. Strange feeling Conan was in his bed trying to sleep but there was something in his head that would not let him sleep, a remember of an eight-year old girl was in his mind 'I don't why but I can't take out Haibara of my mind' he thought 'since 2 week all I dream is his eyes and a smile on his face...a beatiful face...' he said while stroked the pillow in front of he with a smile. Suddenly he jump off the bed and fell to the ground. "What I'am saying? I love Ran, for why I'am dreaming with a another girl" he said with a hand on his head. Conan was a little confused, not sure what he said and just wanted to sleep, but he knew that something was changing in his feelings. "maybe it's just my imagination and all this stranges feelings are because Haibara said the antidote was almost ready" he said as he headed to the bathroom to drink some water,a little tired for the lack of sleep. "that only be because I'm a little anxious about his words" he say with the hands with water in the face 'is just a little of paranoia Conan, don't be stupid' he said almost to turn off the bathroom light when he felt someone behind him. "So I'am only words for you, nothing else" Conan knew of who were these words, the shock could be seen in his eyes, he slowly turn to see what was behind him, thinking the worst and with closed eyes he slowly turn to see something that he did not want to see. He opened his eyes slowly not knowing if it would be better just to run or not to see, but what he see what not exactly he expected. Nothing, there was nothing in the bathroom just furniture. 'so much drama for nothing', he thought, with a sigh he simply turned to continue on his way to the bed. When ... he saw a girl in front of him, a strawberry blond girl with tears in his eyes and a painful look, he could see the sadness and sorrow in her eyes. "you still do not realize anything, you're a heartless Kudo-kun" the girl said. Conan does not know what to do, he was paralyzed, his heart was beating fast and make the movement was almost impossible for his body, just seeing the girl in front of him, still, only with tears in her eyes, he don't know what happened. the boy only yelled a screm of a thousand devils and back slowly to fell in the floor, while she was still there, standing around doing nothing, just looked at him, Conan just crawling back without losing sight of the girl. Then Ran appear in the middle of nowhere. "Conan-kun, what happen?" the girl says with fear in his tone. "Conan-kun, tell me what happen?!?" The boy looked at her, he motioned in order for the girl she saw in front of her. "Conan-kun, what are you trying to tell me? I don't see anything!" she said even with fear. Conan look back to his front, there was nothing and nobody, ever stunned he look back again to the girl. "Ehmm, nothing I only saw a cat but seems is only my imagination" he said trying to hide the fear, he stand up again and says "Well, good night Ran-neechan, see you in the morning" he says running to his room and closing the door fast. "What the hell was that?!" he says even with the heart going fast. Meanwhile in the corridor Ran somewhat confusing she returned to his room thinking about the poor boy 'Conan-kun...this poor guy getting paranoid' she says closing the door and going to sleep again. Conan alomost in the same position when he enter, thinking about what happened. "I think this appearance maybe is trying to tell something to me..." he says a little more calm. "Nah is just the fact I'am tired and is the 02:15 a.m." watching the clock "I only need to sleep a bit" he says getting in the bed and acting like he was calm, but it failed, 1 minute later he was with the eyes opened and watching the door believing someone will enter the room and kill him. "I'am done" If only the image of the girl in the dream troubled him, this would not let him sleep up in 1 week. If someone can say my mistakes I'll be very happy And I know the First Chapter is very short. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 Wow! Looks interesting... Gonna read it tomorrow first thing in the morning. *yawn* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Huntsman 1 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 Wow! Looks interesting... Gonna read it tomorrow first thing in the morning. *yawn* Thanks and I don't like to spoil but if you know the meaning of the title you will know how this end, I have a big amount of ideas and I think if the people like it this will be a long story. And I need help with the English things...help me tomorrow! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 good ^^ if you liked, i'll edit it... i like editing stories, especially conai/shinshi stories! It's much quicker than writing my own since i don't have to think up a plot and such ^^ well anywyas, just tell me what i can do to help and i'll do my best! (i don't mean to be rude, but there are many grammatical errors as well as plot holes... for one thing, are they at the detective agency? Why wasn't ran suspicious about seeing the cat? and the very last few lines "I'm done" and If only the image of the girl in the dream troubled him, this would not let him sleep up in 1 week- do you mean Ai says I'm done, as if she finished the pill? Is that only his hallucination? and the image... did you mean 'If only the image of the small strawberry blonde girl hadn't troubled him, and if only this waking nightmare hadn't happened, he would have been able to sleep easily for the next week. That wasn't the case. It had happened, and it had troubled him, and he couldn't sleep well for the next week.'- is that sort of what you meant?) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Huntsman 1 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 good ^^ if you liked, i'll edit it... i like editing stories, especially conai/shinshi stories! It's much quicker than writing my own since i don't have to think up a plot and such ^^ well anywyas, just tell me what i can do to help and i'll do my best! (i don't mean to be rude, but there are many grammatical errors as well as plot holes... for one thing, are they at the detective agency? Why wasn't ran suspicious about seeing the cat? and the very last few lines "I'm done" and If only the image of the girl in the dream troubled him, this would not let him sleep up in 1 week- do you mean Ai says I'm done, as if she finished the pill? Is that only his hallucination? and the image... did you mean 'If only the image of the small strawberry blonde girl hadn't troubled him, and if only this waking nightmare hadn't happened, he would have been able to sleep easily for the next week. That wasn't the case. It had happened, and it had troubled him, and he couldn't sleep well for the next week.'- is that sort of what you meant?) yes, well the I'am done is from Conan because all was his imagination, "I think this appearance maybe is trying to tell something to me..." And well the mainly reason I make this is becuase I want to have a better English instead of...this. Soon I'll make some changes, NOW, I'll play some Heavy Metal riffs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kiel95 86 Report post Posted January 8, 2011 yes, well the I'am done is from Conan because all was his imagination, "I think this appearance maybe is trying to tell something to me..." And well the mainly reason I make this is becuase I want to have a better English instead of...this. Soon I'll make some changes, NOW, I'll play some Heavy Metal riffs! Good Luck! can't wait to read more! d(^^)b Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scar Akai 65 Report post Posted January 9, 2011 Not bad! Yea, like ttw said, there are several plot holes. Looking forward Τ☺ reading the next chapter! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
